


just so you know how i feel

by WattStalf



Category: Fallout (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Gift
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 15:49:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6085629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WattStalf/pseuds/WattStalf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack confesses.</p>
            </blockquote>





	just so you know how i feel

**Author's Note:**

> A gift for a friend of mine in our chat group. We did a little gift exchange, secret-like, and I got her, so here's her SS with Nick.  
> 

She was going to have to tell him eventually, or at least that's what she kept telling herself.

Ever since Jack had realized just how deeply she had fallen in love with Nick, she was forced to think about telling him. On the one hand, it seemed like a better idea not to say anything; they had a good friendship, and she wouldn't want to ruin that for anything in the world. Not to mention the fact that it was a big step. She hadn't been without Nate for long; was she really ready to try for another relationship?

That had been the problem with Nate as well, though the situation had been entirely different. Even with him, she had been worried that she wasn't ready, and things with Nick were so much more extreme, so much more intense. It wasn't something she was willing to go into without thinking about, and most of the time, it seemed easier to just not think about it and avoid the situation entirely.

But on the other hand, he was her friend and she did not like that she had to keep an important secret from him. She knew that he deserved to know her feelings, and that was when she began to repeat to herself that she would have to tell him eventually, even though she had several reasons why she did not want to. But choosing to tell him and actually telling him were two entirely different matters, and the former wasn't even much of a choice if the latter never happened, and maybe she preferred it that way.

She could think about how she had to tell him and repeat that to herself, but that didn't mean that she was actually any closer to really doing it, and as long as he didn't know until she was ready for him to, she didn't have anything to worry about. That was the easiest way of handling it; claiming that she _planned_ on telling him eventually and then taking her time to do so.

It was a cycle that didn't end and the best way of avoiding her feelings without it really seeming like she was avoiding them. She was in love with Nick, and he needed to know, and she  _would_ tell him, but only when she was ready, and she would never be ready, and then the problem was solved without ever really being solved. It was easy to live like that at first, but soon enough, she began to feel guilty.

She was lying to him and trying to lie to herself by ignoring it, and whether she wanted to or not, she had to tell him. No matter how nervous it made her, no matter how big of a step it was, no matter how big of a risk it was, there was no other option. Her decision had been made for her, and all that was left to do was push aside her own thoughts and just do it already.

One night, she finally managed to get up the nerve, or the closest she would ever have to having the nerve to do it. There were still many parts of her screaming and protesting for her not to do it, but she steeled herself and tried to silence those parts. It was for the best, and she knew it. Once she had a moment alone with Nick, she would go for it, and then whatever happened, happened. Knowing that it was out of her control really didn't make it any easier, though.

“Hey, can we talk?” she finally asked him, barely able to hear herself over the sound of her own heart pounding in her ears.

“Sure,” he replied, already looking concerned. For how good he was at reading her, she was surprised that he hadn't figured out her feelings for him yet. “What's on your mind?”

“It's something that's been bothering me for a while now,” she said. “I mean, not really 'bothering' me and not really for that long, but...” She was dragging this out too much, wasn't she? Shaking her head, she tried to get back on topic. “What I'm trying to say is, we've spent a lot of time together, and you've become one of my closest friends over time. No one had been more there for me than you have.”

“I appreciate you saying that,” he replied, sounding confused. Of course he would- she was only complimenting him, after saying that something was bothering her. How he couldn't figure out where this was going was beyond her, however.

“Well, over time, I started to care about you a lot...more. Than I did before, I mean, and I guess it took me some time to figure it out, but...” She paused; was she really going to do this? “I guess at some point I fell in love with you?” The last bit came out uncertain, like a question. Even in her confession, she was afraid to be completely committed to what she said.

For a long while, that likely felt longer than it was, Nick didn't say anything, and she couldn't tell what he was thinking. She was sure that, since he was hesitating so much, that it meant he was not okay with her revelation and that this was the end of their friendship. Nick hated her for this, and there was nothing she could do to take back what she had said.

“I'm sorry,” she said, longing to break the silence. “I didn't tell you that because I expected anything out of it, I just...wanted you to know the truth. But I don't expect you to return my feelings or anything like that, and I'd be fine if you wanted to just forget I ever said anything.”

“You're not being serious, are you?” he finally said.

“I'm sorry,” she repeated, “really. Like I said, we can just forget about it. It was stupid to-”

“I need to know if you're being serious or not,” he interrupted.

“Why would I make something like that up?” she asked. “It's not easy to admit something like that, I wouldn't just say it for no reason. I wouldn't...” She trailed off, not sure what else to say.

Suddenly Nick reached out for her, pulling her tightly into his arms. Startled, Jack tried to crane her neck up to look at him, but he held her too close. “I don't know why you would make something like that up,” he replied, “but I also don't know why you would mean it. You have to understand, hearing something like that...that's not something I thought I would hear. Not again, not from someone like you.”

“What are you talking about? Of course I love you, you've been so great to me. How could I not love you, after everything we've been through?” She relaxed into the hug, sighing. “But you're not...I figured you would never see me like that. I don't expect you to care that much about someone like me.”

“Jack...that's not...you shouldn't think like that,” he said, and he did not release his hold on her. “You're strong and brave and kind and beautiful, and any man would be lucky to have you, much less an old pile of scraps like me. If anyone should have to worry about not being worth loving, it's me. Are you sure you want to waste your time on me when you could have a real man loving you?”

“Don't say that, okay?” Finally, she pulled back from his hug so that she could look into his eyes. “I don't want to hear that from you. You're more of a man that a lot of people I know, and you're more deserving of my love than all of them combined. Loving you isn't a waste of my time, even if you're too good for me.”

“You need to stop saying things like that too,” he replied. “I don't need to keep repeating how wonderful you are when it's so damn obvious. And I guess at this point, it's obvious that I love you too.”

Her heart seemed to stop for a moment. Everything he had said had been leading up to that, but still she hadn't allowed herself to hope until he had really said it out loud. He loved her. Nick Valentine loved her, and he thought that he didn't deserve her just as she had thought she didn't deserve him. They were both too unsure to say anything and had both been afraid that their feelings would go unrequited. But now she loved him and he loved her, and it was so perfect that she was still almost afraid that it would turn out not to be real.

“And I love you, so I guess there's nothing stopping us anymore,” she said.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked. “And I mean really sure.”

“I haven't been sure about much of anything lately,” she replied, “but with you? I'm sure.”


End file.
